This is something I have been wondering and wanted to jot down for you guys from past one month and yes for a fact that penning everything down somewhere makes me feel good. Now is the good time I think.
I have had a fair share of ups & downs (Mostly ups) and a fair share of saying goodbye to past chapters. (Talking about past 3 to 4 years). people who seemed to be irreplaceable characters in life have left, slowly being replaced by completely different people in my life. I have experienced many unexpected voltas, and I have come to terms with the fact that there will be many more to come, cause life. While most things become easier the more often you experience them, I’ve learned that farewells only seem to become harder and harder over time. Those never get easier, especially when it comes to saying goodbye to your relationship that you never even thought would ever end. Every single goodbye that I have experienced – good or bad – has always been painful. Painful in a way not only for the end of the bond I had with a specific person I once loved or liked with all my heart but also for the part of myself that would be lost for a while. It has been a while that all the bonds that I lost or people I have said goodbye to isn’t making me sad anymore. No, I’m not used to the pain now but I have learned to let things and people go that are not meant to stay in my life. But hey, This isn’t as simple as typing it here. Took me quite a while. More than a while in fact. Well, I have learned that this lost love and people, would be a necessary step to something much more important and something far better in life: Growth. I have learned to accept the bad vibes because only when you accept what’s coming your way, only then you know how well you have to handle everything.
Remember People will come and leave. People will cheat on you. People will lie to your face. People will ditch you. Leave you in the middle of nowhere. Will unlove you. Will hate you. And these are not random people you come across while taking a bus to school – work but will those who claim to be YOURS. Those who will associate with you. Those who you have a bond with. All we need to do is accept the bitter realities that we seem to avoid usually.
However getting back to the point, I have always been a person who loves hard, intense and with all honesty. Whenever I would meet a person who was able to spark something in me, I would go in for 100%. Loyalty, commitment and dedication be it, anyone, those things just come naturally to me. I need to fully commit to someone, or not at all. Yeah, that’s me. You know there were two types of people in the world: Always-single and always-in-a-relationship type of people lol & I was by far the latter. Casual flings just did not exist in my world. I was only interested in the real love deal. I was only interested in real bonds. Real talks.
I would get such a rush from loving and being loved. In some way, this made me very prone to going too fast in creating bonds with people around me. I’m the kind of person who would not investigate a lot about the other person before giving them all I have. I never think on, “You can have the best intentions in the world, but if the other person is not on the same page, things will never work out”. Sometimes this made me wonder why I found it so easy to commit to a people. Maybe I was more focused on the rush that loving someone isn’t only and actually “LOVING” them but for me being in love with someone had always been bringing the best person out of them. Sharing little things together. Making good memories. And enjoying life in general. To this day, I do not have an idea that what actually I was focused on. Or let’s just say I’m not clear over this. All I can tell you is that for me, I was so focused, committed and content with the other people/person, I would forget everything else. Including myself. And believe me feeling of betrayed, being hurt and being walked on sucks like anything in life. The best part is that I’m quite good at letting all my emotions out, and not letting things affect me a lot. (Of course, I do have my sad hours and days) and yes I never looked and went back to any of those people who were not more than a bad chapter in my life. If you’re out of my life, you’re out. I do not do second chances. Never.
However, when this time in December 2018 (to be exact), I experienced the worst of all the bonds and associations I had and worst of all chapters came to an end finally, Something in me changed. I do not know if that is because I changed as a person, or if the fact that people will leave always changed in general At first I had been thinking that this is the new normal and that I needed to adapt. I was losing me in the process of making everything better for the other person. But I was never one of those cool girls that are always okay with being no strings attached. And I was and m okay with it.
ANYWAY, LET’S END THE UGLY PART HERE
I took it as a lesson and made it the reason for my growth. DO NOT lose yourself for love or for anyone! This is the most important lesson everything I had face ever taught me. This lesson is applicable not only if you are single, but also when you are in a relationship or friendships. “Be yourself” I know it seems like one of those clichés you can find on any cheap looking decorative pillow, but I cannot stress enough how important it is to stick to you when dealing with bad bonds. Love and attachments with people can be addicting, very addicting I tell you and like every addiction, it changes you completely, usually NOT for the better. You want to be like one of those “the cool girl”, you want to make “the relationship work”, but sometimes it’s better to let go and focus on yourself instead. And it will help you grow into a new different version of you. If someone makes you feel like the way you are is not good enough, that only means that they are not good enough to be with you – no person worth your love should ever want you to change. When I look back now, I see I left a part of me with a person or all those people that were not meant to stay. It took me quite a time to realize that I left that part with that person in order to make space for a new, stronger me. Besides this, the most important lesson learned was NOT TO TRUST ANYONE BLINDLY no matter what. As much as I hate liers, I had a perfect bond with a compulsive liar I blindly trusted. So yeah. Never ever trust people I tell you. I have experienced it all.
It took me a long time to truly come to terms with this, but I am thankful for all the past ad worst experiences. Even when people wronged me, I have learned something good and tbh that I always forgive them because forgiving someone, and being grateful for what they have taught you does not make you a weak person. Quite on the contrary, it is very difficult to do I know. When you are ready to forgive someone, it will give you back your power, your control over your life that that specific person took from you. You are the only one that can forgive them for what they did to you no one else. Even if they had control over your life during your time, gratitude switches back that control back to you. When you forgive them, you gain back the power you once lost. I realized I am not willing to give anyone, and especially not men, any power over my life now. From 2019 I have truly started living for myself. Graduating from masters soon, Getting into something very exciting soon and even meeting so many new and wonderful people every day, life has been great and amazing to me. I am thankful for my past chapters. Rather than seeing those chapters as something that could affect me badly, I see those as the greatest lessons and growth. And I am feeling so happy to be sharing this with you guys – my fam! and as the title says, Thank you, NEXT! I can’t wait to write about the next happy experiences. Looking forward to the great things.
BIG VIRTUAL HUG <3